Interview with Dare Devil Toys
We’ve had the pleasure of speaking with the loveliest Amy Aylmer, a sex coach and the founder of the Dare Devil Toys, which is an inclusive body safe pleasure shop. They have a wide selection of body safe toys, from dildos with suction cups, biodegradable vibrators, vaginal oils, BDSM toys, electro shocks, and many more- all gift wrapped. Go check them out - link here.
Without spoiling too much of the interview below, Amy shares a lot of the same values with us. We were impressed by her charming positive energy and by her journey and believe you’ll enjoy reading through our interview notes.
Squirty Birdies: Introduce yourself and the Dare Devil Toys.
Amy: I am from Ireland and I’ve been traveling around the globe. I have been involved in activism in Australia and Ireland. I lived in Cambodia for a few years and had been teaching sexual health education with local health practitioners, which was a very eye opening experience. When I returned to Ireland, I tried studying international relations, but realized that is absolutely not for me, and so went on to study a Master of Science in psychology and later on, human sexuality.
I’ve actually always been intersted in sexual behaviour, always been fascinated with why it is a taboo, how is it good for us - and why, socially, is it seen as bad, how can we debunk the myths? These are pertinent questions, especially in Ireland, where for example the abortion was only legalized in 2018. Even as a teenager I worked in a sex shop briefly and found it fascinating. I’ve always been interested in sex, always been a suporter of sex workes- and believe they should have more rights and be protected more - and I understand this deeply as I spent time myself as a cyber sex worker. I did my first dissertation on the male and female gaze on the female nude and the difference between female and male artists.
I have always wanted to have a sex shop, that is a safe space and a space where people can relax, feel good about themselves and feel they can treat themselves. I am a sexual assault surivior- and I learned so much while reclaiming my pleasure and body - and so I wanted this space to be both mindful and affirming- safe but empowering. It is important for this to be a relaxed and safe space, because we are always told we are not enough, or that our bodies are not good enough. I wanted it to be inclusive of wheelchair users, transgender people, including pre- or post- operation, people suffering from pelvic dysfunction, or erectile dysfunction. I wanted it to be special, for example, for people to get a product with a handwritten note in their package- finished with silk ribbons. I remember buying my own first toy when it arrived in an envelope and I did not feel treated at all.
Squirty Birdies: Can you tell us a bit about the company’s journey, from how it all started to where you are today?
Amy: I’ve been very lucky, a good friend invested in me, so I could start the business. But it was not easy. I am not a technology person and the large part of setting up an online shop requires a tech infrastructure. I had help with a person setting up a website. But not much more.
It is difficult to run an online shop. There is also a lot of stress around trying to find toys from body safe materials. I am constantly bombarding sales people with questions about whether their toys are made from medical grade silicone, about their ethics, for example whether they have proof of paying their workers. But I am not a business woman. I am still learning how to work out a profit margin. What was frustrating was making sure the products were body safe, that vegan things are actually vegan, what lube to use. I like working with Satisfyer because they are reliable, their material is what it says, I know the workers are paid well and the products are ethically sourced. I am working with only five wholesalers, which can be very limiting. But I would rather have that than someone damaging themselves using a toy made from toxic materials.
Squirty Birdies: What are the company’s purpose and vision?
Amy: I want to become something a bit bigger, still a sex shop, but an experience, where there should be an option to book in a session with sexologist. I just want people to spoil themselves, to have support if they want it. I want it to be an inclusive spot and an exciting spot. I want to be more diligent in donating money to charity, I’ve worked for Uniceff and Oxfam before, I want to donate a certain percent of earnings to the UK and Ireland Transgender youth charity.
Squirty Birdies: You are quite open with sharing your personal life on Instagram. Do you find social media to be a useful platform for helping you reach your professional purpose?
Amy: I had never used IG before, I am not on TikTok, I’ve deleted Facebook several times, so it was all very new and I had a lot to learn. I was not ready for trolls. Yes, it is important for people to know me, because I want it to be an inclusive space and offer them advice, as well as feeling confident asking me questions and booking coaching sessions. I am not going to tell someone to try something unless I have tried it. I have endometriosis, adenomyosis and vaginismus- so I understand from a very personal experience what can work and what won’t work. I have worked with physiotherapists on both a personal and professional level. I want people to know they can fall on me. The best part of the day is when people contact me saying that I’ve helped, that its all fixed a problem they had and that they are excited to shop with dare devil toys again. Social media is also such an important platform to tell my story of sexual assault, because this was followed by body and pleasure reclaimation - its so important as well as voicing the expertise that I have acquired over the years.
Squirty Birdies: What are you favorite three sex toys?
Amy: I have a soft spot for very small G-spot vibrators, those lipstick vibrators- the first type of vibrator to really hit the market openly in the 90s. The flexible vibrators are fantastic for anyone with any pelvic pain, as you can move them to where they need to be. Suction toys are absolutely amazing and have been such a turning point in the history of female pleasure. They are great because there is a lot of tissue around the labia and clitoris, I can stimulate without feeling any pelvic pain. I love nipple stimulation so much. Also anything with an app is amazing. But I have an affinity for battery operated toys, due to nostalgia- especially those little lipstick ones!
Squirty Birdies: Where do you want to be in 10 years?
For the purpose of being fully immersed in the boudoir clinic described below, you have to imagine Amy wearing a colorful headband and a red velvet kimono jacket.
Amy: In 10 years, I would like to have a PhD to work closer in healing sexual trauma, and have my own clinic in close proximity to a real life shop. I want that wellness rich boudoir feeling, for people to come to the clinic with an ease feeling. To feel they can treat themselves , because pleasure really is so special and healthy for our bodies- it should be a luxurious and sensual experience just shopping for the products! It is very difficult to find a therapist for queer and trans people in Europe. I want to help close that gap, I have many certificates and diplomas. People taking back their pleasure, body reclamation and sexual wellness really is a passion of mine, and so I hope to continue working and learning and making a difference in sex lives!
Some photos showing how Amy would love her shop to look like.
List of diplomas and certificates owned by Amy:
BA Hons in Fine Art – Dissertation; The female Gaze: perspectives from female artist’s on the female nude.
Master of Sciences- Psychology – University of Derby – Thesis ; Prevalence of altered states of consciousness during BDSM practice
Diploma in child and Youth Counselling ;
Certificate in Human sexuality
Diploma in Tantra
The Buehler Institute Psychological Services, Inc ; Sex therapy online AASECT accredited
The Buehler Institute Psychological Services, Inc ; Helping couples resolve mis-matched sex drives
University of Groningen, Young people and their mental health
University of Liverpool, Psychology and Mental Health: Beyond nature and Nurture
MARCH clinic: London school of hygiene and tropical medicine: Improving the health of women, children and adolescents
Centre for Disease control and prevention ; IDEA ; NSTDC – training in STD and STI infections.
IACP and BPS Member
